Someone shit on the floor
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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