do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize