So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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