I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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