I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
