In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
