nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
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