So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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