i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
