One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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