Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
