I'm gonna have a badass scar
I am spending my child support on dildos
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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