dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
