bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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