my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
