I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
