Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
