Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
