Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
