Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize