As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
