Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(704): View more from North Carolina

I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel

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(905): View more from Toronto

Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich

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(515): View more from Iowa

I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.

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(907): View more from Alaska

On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.

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(416): View more from Toronto

We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.

(508): View more from Massachusetts

You're such a Yankee.

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(959): View more from Connecticut

I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.

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