she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
thus making me awesome and them whores
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
