Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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