I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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