Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
