Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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