I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Oh god it's open bar.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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