do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
