And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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