I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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