when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize