his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
