After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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