there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
