i permit you to call me
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize