I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
