You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
