I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
be right there i have to get my cape
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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