You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
