End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
