anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize