Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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