apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize