u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
