remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
only if we run a train.
done.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
