but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
