Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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