id be glad to
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize