your thong is hanging out like whoa
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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