I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
