Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize