I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
