Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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