Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
