I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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