there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
