I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
