the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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