Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
