i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
