I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
