Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
