You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
