I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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