Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
